I love my son

Wow...do you all see that handsome young man to the right? When did I all the sudden have a little man and not a little boy? Beats me, but he has to be the cutest little man I have ever seen. One day he will be breaking hearts left and right. But, I am his mommy, of course he is the cutest little guy according to me, what mom does not think that? (But, I think he really is!) Even people who come in my office have told me that they love their kids and think their kids are cute..but mine is even cuter! Now, how much more convincing do you need? I am proud, I just updated this journal on March 10, and here it is March 31, and I am at it again! Atleast it was not 4 months down the road. Last time I updated we had found out that Samuel's aunt Heather was going to have a baby. Sadly for all of us, Aunt Heather lost her baby on March 24. I know Sam does not really understand...he just knows the baby is in Heaven now. It is funny how kids are. When he was told there was a baby in Heather's belly, he was so excited. He would kiss her belly and talk to the baby. And would talk about it alot. But, since he knows it is gone, he has never brought the baby up again. Kids are so innocent. They don't dwell on the fact a life was lost like adults to. They just do not understand. And maybe that is a good thing. Recently a friend at work had sent me a link about a little boy named Cam, who is the son of a friend of hers. Cam has cancer and is 5 years old. I have been reading Cam's site and I have to get up from my chair and shut my door before anyone can see the huge tears in my eyes. I cannot imagine waking up one day and knowing that there will be a tens of thousands of more days to come where I will have to wake up and not see the sweet face of my child that I love so much. I just cannot understand that. I hope and I pray that I will never had to have even one morning like that in my lifetime. I could not imagine my life any different. Without my sweet potato (Sam loves telling me that he is my sweet potato). How do you go on through life without something you love so much? How is it possible to face another day on this earth with such a world of hurt in your heart? I know this entry is not really as cheery as most of mine are, and I am sorry. I just think that we need to spend more time with our kids, we need to hold them close. Tell them we love them and never ever take any moment with them for granted. Because, what if one day, you had to wake up and face the fact that you will have to face a thousand more days without them? I couldn't. Sometimes Sam asks me to scratch his back before he goes to sleep...and I scratch until my hand gets too tired and he looks at me, after I think he has already fallen asleep and he says "scratch me mommy" and I tell him mommy is tired of scratching...but then I lay there and think..what if he was not here to scratch? And I proceed to scratch his little back and belly until my fingers go numb and I am certain he is fully asleep. Or, when I read him a book and he makes me read it a hundred more times before bed, or sing that song one more time..after I have sang until I am horse, so I sing it again. Don't take little things for granted. Be glad you have your baby, your child, your family. I love my family more than anything. My wonderful husband and my son. My son, who could not have asked for a better father. We as parents are so lucky to get to have these wonderful little ones in our lives and we are their protectors and their friends and the ones who know the answer to pratically everything... haha...but, anyway, to wrap it up, what I am wanting to say is I love my son. I love him more than he will ever know until has has his own child, and maybe then, he will know. Cherish every single moment you have, because you never know when the last moment may be.

Wow, where has time gone?

Sorry, I notice it was December last time I posted and here it is spring time..well, today feels like spring time anyway! What is happening...well, let's see...Sam is growing everyday. He keeps me laughing and keeps me smiling. Of course, I don't have a whole lot to not smile about...but, even when there are rough days, he makes me smile. I love my boys...that is husband and my son...they are both my boys. It is funny...alot of times while I am working, or or doing nothing..which is rare..I think back to when Sam was this tee tiny little guy and how he just used to fit in my arms...now I hold him and rock him while he sleeps....which, if anyone of you has read the book "Love you Forever"...about the momma who goes into her baby's room when he is sleeping and picks him up and rocks him back and forth and sings "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"...this is me. When he is sleeping I pick him up...all of him, he is such a big boy and I hold him and I rock him back and forth and I talk to him, thinking that somewhere in his sleep he hears me and he will always hear me...and I just love that. He is so big now..no longer that tiny baby who fit in my arms perfectly...he still fits, and always will no matter how big he is, but now, half of him hangs off of me onto the bed. I love that I have been able to care for this little boy and help him grow and learn, but I miss that tiny helpless infant sometimes. I would not trade Sammy for anything in the world, but i still sometimes wish he would have stayed so tiny. Now he tells me what he wants to eat for supper, when he has to use the potty (which is going well) and he tells me when I am doing something wrong too. He is so creative. Loves to play "pancakes". For any one who does not know what Play Pancakes means...it is playdough. We roll it in a ball for him and he flattens it and calls it pancakes. He eats them (real ones!) for breakfast in the mornings. When I pick him up, you can always smell the sweet sickening smell of syrup! haha. But, anyway...I just love my son. I would not trade him for anything in this world. He is perfect..he is the perfect combination of his daddy and me. I hope the next baby (no...no time soon, I promise) knows what a great big brother they have someday.